


i know it's more than just a friendship

by bad_drive



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Vloggers, F/F, Fluff, Light Angst, Storytelling, kind of friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22095007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bad_drive/pseuds/bad_drive
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

“Is this thing on? Can you guys see me?”

_Yeah, we can see you!_

_Wow, looking so pretty, Irene._

_Finally getting to see Irene live!_

She laughed.

“Well, I guess you’re wondering why I’m having a live chat out of nowhere, right? But I’m not going to be so much as chatting with you guys. I’ve actually been meaning to say something that I’ve been struggling with for so long, so I thought I’d use this opportunity to say it.”

Joohyun tore her gaze off of her laptop camera. Heaving a sigh, she crossed both of her arms on top of her study desk, gaze peering off to the side, mind in wonder. She lightly laughed when she came to the realization that she was actually in a live chat with her viewers and averted her gaze back to the laptop.

“Sorry, I thought I had this all figured out in my head, but I still don’t know how to work this out.” She bit on her lower lip and began reading the comments as a way to help pass time and possibly formulate the thoughts. “Okay, well, I’ll just wing this and hopefully whatever I want to say will be said.

“Hello, my fellow viewers who are friends, family, friends of friends, or just very great people who stumbled across my channel. If you’re watching this, then I really do hope you stay till the end… This is very important to me.

“Throughout my whole life, I have been told that love is between a man and a woman, that love should only be with the one _boy_ I cherish, that love should be with the one _boy_ who makes my heart flutter and form butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t argue with that because you see, I grew up with the idea of prince charming riding up to my door step, taking me out on a nice date with flowers and candles and starry night skies, kissing me sweetly on the lips at the end of the night, and continuing that notion from there on out. Not bad, right? It’s not. But the thing is—this shit doesn’t exist.

“Most of _prince charming_ nowadays will park on the curb by your house, _text_ you that he’s here, drive you off to some three-star restaurant voted on _Yelp_ with crying babies and clumsy waiters dropping plates and silverware, and spend the rest of the day at _your_ house watching some show you _don’t_ even like on Netflix.”

Joohyun paused for a bit and chuckled to herself at the thought. That date was such a disaster. She read a comment: _Did that happen to you, Irene?_

It sure did.

“But don’t get me wrong. I had a few tear-jerking, romantic dates from nice boys. I just happened to receive the worst of them as well.

“Okay, I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that I believe in the idea of love being open and free. It doesn’t have to be between a man and a woman. It can be between a man and a man, a woman and a woman, and you get the gist of it, right?”

Joohyun bit her lower lip again out of nervous habit and stared at the laptop camera.

“You’re probably wondering why I’m suddenly doing a lecture on the topic of love, huh.”

She sighed once more and peered off to the side, a smile gracing her face.

“I’m going to be telling you a story of how I fell in love…”

Her smile widened.

“…with the most beautiful person in my life.”


	2. part one

Joohyun could confidently say that she reached the stardom of becoming one of the most popular YouTube Vloggers in the world.

The thing was that nobody knew of her existence at her _own_ school.

Not that she minded in any sense, but there had to be a _single_ person who knew of her, right? But then again, she wasn’t exactly herself in her videos.

Joohyun developed a persona through YouTube, going by the name of “Irene” instead of her given name. When she was not studying on the weekends, she spent her time traveling to tourist-attracted areas within the distance of a couple of hours and familiarized herself with her own camera. Her first video had been published about a year ago with the intentions of starting a hobby for her own family and close friends to watch. However, when the internet swept up her first vlog to pass it down from social media to social media, random people who gradually became her loyal viewers started to bump up her views and comment section.

She didn’t mind the influx of viewers. It served more as a reason to tidy herself up behind the camera and make sure there wasn’t some speck of greens stuck between her teeth or even an improperly tucked shirt into a skirt. After all, she _appeared_ like a completely different person online compared to how she was in reality—a pair of thick framed glasses and a bare face as opposed to the contacts and makeup.

It was some time in the afternoon when Joohyun was seen in the university’s library, laptop on desk with a video editing program displayed on screen. She observed the bits of clips she edited together while nonchalantly sipping on a chilled sea cream jasmine tea until she felt a tap on her shoulder, strings inside of her ripping instantaneously for her to launch to the trackpad and minimize the program. Turning around with an anxious pace of her heartbeat and widened eyes, she was greeted with a familiar face bearing a sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Joohyun noticed the newcomer as Kang Seulgi, a classmate and relatively new lab partner in her preparatory chemistry class. They were stationed together in the lab portion of the subject, which automatically delivered them a few minutes for an introduction. Seulgi was a first year, majoring in something _completely_ different from the science and math world, and the only explanation for her to be found anywhere _near_ the chemistry building on campus was to fulfill her requirement for general education.

Joohyun wondered why Seulgi chose chemistry of all the other sciences, but she could really care less at this point because she didn’t think she would be able to receive the chance to know someone as beautiful and innocent as Seulgi.

“N-No, it’s okay,” she stammered and carefully placed her drink down next to her laptop. “Is there something you need?”

“I was just wondering if you could help me out with the study questions we have to answer for our test. You don’t mind if I sit here, right?” asked Seulgi, pointing at a seat adjacent from Joohyun.

Joohyun shook her head and received a bright smile from her lab partner in return. As soon as Seulgi sat down, she piled all of her chemistry materials in front of her, prompting Joohyun to move her laptop to the side so she could set all of her attention onto the former.

Well, her viewers were just going to have to wait a few extra hours to watch her latest trip to the art museum.

**

Seulgi did not excel greatly in chemistry.

Joohyun realized this when they received the results of their first test. After a couple of study sessions ever since the day Seulgi decided to ask for assistance, Joohyun ended up with one of the highest scores in the class (maybe because she has a knack for significant figures) whereas Seulgi landed around the average score. It was still passing and the latter ended up with a C+, but only because the lenient professor took attendance points into consideration.

“Sig figs are so dumb!” Seulgi whined one day after class.

Since Joohyun and Seulgi had about an hour to two block before their next class of the day, they settled down onto one of the chained down picnic tables next to the campus coffee cart.

“Well, sig figs are a major part of chem,” said Joohyun. “It’s better to get it now than to get screwed up in the end when you don’t remember what the rules are.”

Seulgi heaved a sigh and she pouted. “I know. If I hadn’t asked you for help, I probably wouldn’t have passed the test.”

“Hey, you managed to do it on your own! You just need to stop second guessing yourself whenever we study,” replied Joohyun, and a smile graced her lips when she observed Seulgi still pouting.

“Okay,” muttered Seulgi. She crossed her arms on the table and rested her chin on it. “I’m going to need some help still. I don’t quite remember what we just learned.”

“Sure. What are lab partners for?”

The corners of Seulgi’s lips curled up into a polite, warm smile, her eyes scrunching up beautifully to form crescents. Joohyun was momentarily in a trance, gazing at how adorable Seulgi could be without even trying, before she finally snapped herself out of it at Seulgi’s next question.

“Oh, right, I heard that there is a football game going on this weekend and the professor is giving extra credit if we go. Will you be going?”

“Oh….” Joohyun trailed off.

She had plans for the weekend to attend one of the most urbanized cities in the country since her viewers especially requested her point of view on this area. No matter how many times professors reiterated themselves at the beginning of the school year to take advantage of every extra credit opportunity the students were offered, Joohyun almost never found herself doing so, considering how well she did in her classes. And with this fact, the extra credit for the weekend never crossed her mind until Seulgi mentioned it.

Seulgi tilted her head. “Do you have plans already?”

“Not exactly,” Joohyun was quick to answer, and she straightened her body—although she wasn’t exactly sure why she did so. “I-I might go.”

“Really?” A bright grin was plastered across Seulgi’s face and Joohyun thought that she would do anything to see that smile forever in her life. “Let’s meet up beforehand! I don’t exactly know a lot of people at this school...”

Remnants of Seulgi’s smile was still noticeable even after the statement had been spewed out. Joohyun couldn’t help but to gaze at Seulgi with newfound adoration and fondness, almost as if she was to blink right then and there and avert her eyes, she would not be able to picture her smile again. There was something strange with her mind, or maybe everybody else’s minds, but if Joohyun closed her eyes for a few moments after staring at something, she would not be able to process the image completely like how she saw it during the moment her eyes were open.

Joohyun didn’t want to look away.

She desired to keep on staring, to trace every feature of Seulgi’s face, and maybe then she would be able to form something that was not as pixelated in her mind.

Even though she couldn’t understand how Seulgi managed to make her feel this way so quickly, her lips curled up into a soft smile, which caused Seulgi’s to _widen_ at her response. Joohyun didn’t even say she was attending the football game for certain, but Seulgi appeared too ecstatic and endearing to reject.

“Sure, why not?”

**

_I first met this person through a class I was taking at the school I’m at._

_I didn’t think much of it at first, of course._

_I thought she’d be a classmate for the semester—we’d become acquaintances, or even friends, and she’d be someone I’d hit up every now and then to catch up._

_Oh, right._

_I said, “she,” huh?_

_I’m guessing you didn’t think this person is a girl, am I right?_

_Believe me…_

_I didn’t think she had that much of an effect on me._

_But she did—_

_—sorry,_

_I mean,_ does _._

_She still makes me feel funny inside._

**

It may be the fact that it was the weekend with lots of free time and no classes for Joohyun to notice that upon Seulgi’s appearance, the latter looked different.

But not a _bad_ different—

Instead, a good, more _attractive_ different.

Joohyun realized that during the weekdays when she had classes with Seulgi, the first year usually tied her hair up in a bun or high ponytail and wear clothes that might be a little too big on her—almost as if she threw on the first outfit she saw in her closet before rushing to her 8am class. This time, however, Seulgi’s dark brown hair was neatly braided over one shoulder and she donned a pair of distressed shorts with a fitted, long sleeved collared shirt.

Seulgi, once again, had a smile on her face when approaching Joohyun and she greeted her cheerfully. “Hi, Joohyun!”

Joohyun smiled softly in return. “Hi, Seulgi. Shall we go?”

The football game had potential to go better than expected. However, most of the time it was silence between the two, nothing but loud screams and cheers from their fellow college peers surrounding them or even sounds of encouragement from the both of them when their football team scored a goal. Joohyun thought about initiating a conversation, but every time she glanced over at Seulgi, the latter appeared more interested in the burly men in helmets running across the field than anything else.

She heaved a sigh to herself more than anything, placing a foot on the edge of the bench in front of her. She was tempted to go on her phone and check up on any updates from social media accounts that she missed in the past hour, but figured it might be too rude considering how this was technically her first outing with Seulgi.

Though, Seulgi might have picked up on Joohyun’s lack of interest with the football game, for she turned to stare at her and nudge her shoulder. Joohyun jolted from her blank trance and dropped her propped foot.

Seulgi lightly giggled at her. “Are you bored?”

“Hm, just a little bit,” Joohyun replied with a pout.

She almost wanted to believe that Seulgi was staring at her for a moment too long at that point. But Seulgi smiled anyway, just like she always did, and she tilted her head towards the exit closest to them.

“Do you want to leave then?”

Joohyun was alarmed. Was her company too boring for Seulgi? Did the first year expect her to become as enthusiastic and boisterous as the rest of the students around her?

“N-No, we can stay! I’m sorry I’m not that into sports….”

Seulgi shook her head and she proceeded to stand up, not minding the fact that she was blocking the view of the people behind her. She clutched onto Joohyun’s hands on her lap and pulled her up, too.

“It’s okay. I was getting a little bit bored, too, actually,” said Seulgi. “All we need to show the professor is our ticket stub anyway.”

She didn’t give Joohyun much of a choice to stay as she proceeded to drag her towards the exit. As they passed by other students wanting to watch the game compared to them, Joohyun couldn’t help but stare at the hand perfectly enclosed within Seulgi’s. She did not believe how comfortable and natural it was; Seulgi’s hand was not too small nor too big, it was just perfect with the way their hands were gently intertwined.

Joohyun believed she was feeling a little loopy when that thought processed through her mind. Kang Seulgi—she just _barely_ met the girl. How was she able to make the same warmth course through Joohyun’s body and eventually pool up around her chest just like how she felt during her previous relationships?

Her last relationship was a few months ago with a boy she considered too _cheap_ —but not cheap in terms of currency, rather more in actions and words. He was too sleazy with his words, his actions resulted in wanting to touch her in the end, and Joohyun just completely lost feelings for him.

It was a good riddance, anyway.

“So…”

Joohyun snapped out of her trance and realized that they had come to a halt at the parking lot with bright lampposts acting as the only light source above them. They were still holding hands at the moment, not that Joohyun minded at _all_ , but Seulgi appeared to have noticed and she sheepishly smiled before retracting her hand ever so gradually.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hold your hand for so long,” she said in a voice so soft and careful, as if she was afraid of offending Joohyun in the slightest way possible.

Joohyun shook her head. “No, it’s okay.”

“I, uh…”

Seulgi swayed a bit in her rooted position, her hands reaching up to her braid to twirl a forefinger around the end of it. It was fascinating how her gaze landed on anywhere but Joohyun, and she appeared to fidget a lot more than necessary, an action that the latter was not accustomed to. Since when did Seulgi start becoming like a nervous wreck now? But never mind that. It just gave Joohyun an opportunity to gush over how much more adorable Seulgi had become with the way she puffed up her cheeks while in deep thought of the words she was about to spew out.

“We didn’t stay for too long,” stated Seulgi. “So, I was… wondering if maybe you’d like to get something to drink nearby?”

Her stare was on an old car next to them when she finished, and she finally averted it back to Joohyun to look for a response.

Joohyun grinned and laughed a bit to herself.

“I’d love to.”

**

_She is the most adorable thing my eyes have ever laid on._

_If you gave me the option to cuddle a stuffed teddy bear or her to sleep, then I wouldn’t even understand why you would give me those two choices when it is obvious which one of the two that I would choose._

_I wanted to say it was love at first sight, I really do._

_But it’s not._

_I don’t even think love at first sight exists anymore, actually._

_It’s more of—love at first meeting._

_When she introduced herself to me, when she first smiled at me, when she first called my name._

_I didn’t understand how she was so quick to make me feel the butterflies in my stomach, and I know she wasn’t doing it intentionally. Heck, she didn’t know she was feeling the same way then._

_I just…_

_I just… feel so happy every time I see her…_

_When she first asked me to get a drink with her, did you guys know how nervous she was?_

_She was so cute… so endearing…._

_If there was one thing that I would be allowed to see every day for the rest of my life, it would be her smile._

_Because I swear that smile was enough to make anyone fall in love with her—it was enough for_ me _to fall in love with her._

**

It was a few months into the semester when Joohyun and Seulgi were closer than ever before.

They had been through a lot of study sessions lately, mostly in the university’s library, but now the location changed to Joohyun’s apartment since they seemed to get off track and stayed longer than usual at the library. Joohyun didn’t like the idea of driving home in the foggy night and she very much preferred Seulgi sleeping over at her place rather than knocking out at the library before waking up at an ideal time to head back to her dorm.

Midterms were right around the corner when Seulgi groaned and fell back against Joohyun’s bed.

Joohyun peered over from her desk and she smiled at the comical sight of a drained Seulgi with textbooks, notes, and worksheets sprawled all over the bed around her.

“Do you need help?” she asked, adjusting the glasses on her nose a bit before turning around on her chair to observe Seulgi tilting her head towards her.

Seulgi whined and rolled onto her side, knocking a few notes down onto the ground—not that she cared anyway, especially when she believed her brain was fried at the moment. She clutched onto the pillow she was resting on and closed her eyes.

“I want to sleep.”

Joohyun took off her glasses and rested it on top of the textbook she was reading earlier before rubbing her eyes. She made her way over to Seulgi, shuffled a few papers to the foot of the bed, and sat on the edge of it with her eyes fixed onto the exhausted first year. Seulgi gradually opened her eyes at the added weight on the bed and she pouted at Joohyun.

“Chemistry is just getting harder and harder,” she complained, earning a soft laughter.

Joohyun raised an eyebrow and brushed a few stray hair strands from Seulgi’s face without thinking. “Well, I said I’m here to help you whenever you need it, Seulgi.”

Seulgi didn’t respond right away, rather she merely glanced at the hand making her appear kempt before staring at the owner. Joohyun didn’t realize she was acting on impulse. She quickly retracted her hand back down onto her lap before grimacing and muttering a whispered apology.

Seulgi didn’t seem to mind, though. She remained in her position with her sharp eyes still casted onto Joohyun.

“I haven’t seen you without your glasses before,” she said.

“O-Oh. Yeah… I took them off earlier because they were bothering me a bit.”

Seulgi was still staring at her, like her eyes were attempting to memorize every feature of Joohyun’s face. Joohyun had never felt so small under Seulgi’s heavy gaze before, but she couldn’t ever break away the stare they were holding. She was drawn into her, the dark brown orbs pulling her in with not much of an effort to, but still enough to be able to put Joohyun into one of the many trances of her life.

“You look... more beautiful… without your glasses on,” divulged Seulgi.

Joohyun swore Seulgi’s face was turning as red as hers the second those words had been spewed out. When Seulgi rolled onto her other side out of embarrassment of the compliment she had just stated, Joohyun took the chance to touch her cheeks with the back of her hands, feeling how much the temperature of her body had risen by just a few words.

“Hey, you can’t just say that and not look at me anymore!”

Although still very much red and hot, Joohyun reached out to touch Seulgi’s shoulder and pull her onto her back.

“No, I’m too embarrassed!” Seulgi used her long sweater sleeves to hide her hands before covering her whole face.

“Why are you embarrassed?” Joohyun asked, and she meant for her next words to be a teasing remark. “Unless you have feelings for me?”

Seulgi quickly uncovered her face and she gasped at Joohyun. “N-No!”

It was not meant to be hurtful, it was not _even_ meant to be answered, but with how hasty Seulgi’s reply was, Joohyun almost felt her heart fall to the pit of her stomach. She covered it up with a smile, though, because she didn’t think someone as adorable and innocent and _girly_ as Seulgi was going to develop feelings for someone like her.

“Then quit acting so shy,” Joohyun muttered and she forced out an uncomfortable laughter. She retreated back to the chair behind her desk. “Go back to studying.”

Throughout the whole night until Seulgi ended up falling asleep on Joohyun’s bed, an exchange of stares never happened. Joohyun busied herself to the point where her head almost hurt from burying her nose into the textbook and Seulgi was shuffling papers every now and then while reading her own textbook (or at least that is what Joohyun saw from her peripheral). She contemplated of taking a break and editing her videos, but then realized that she had not been able to travel to places lately due to her time being consumed by chemistry and Seulgi all at once. It had been almost a month since her last video and she usually uploaded every other week, and it was unusual of her not to update on her viewers about her current situation and why she would not be able to upload within two weeks.

But she figured her viewers will understand her situation.

Her mind was often conflicted.

She couldn’t even think about talking to a camera for an hour or two at the moment, at least not with Seulgi constantly on her mind or buzzing her phone with texts almost every hour of the day.

**

_I’ll be honest… she has hurt me before—with her words, at least._

_I’ve come to realize that often times she doesn’t think twice before speaking, but when she does, her sentences become broken and end up not making any sense._

_I didn’t know what I was thinking, though._

_I didn’t think I had a right to feel hurt at the time, but maybe I do because it was when my feelings continue to grow for her._

_I honestly thought that I’ve lost all chance then._

_I mean, why would I—or why would she—like another girl?_

_But when she called me beautiful for the first time…_

_I felt like I was soaring on cloud nine._

_I didn’t realize how much I wanted someone else—not a stranger, not my friends, not my family members—to compliment me on my looks but her._

_I thought it felt genuine because unlike you guys, she saw me almost every day with a pair of glasses on my nose._

_And despite the silence that ensued afterwards, despite how hurt I felt that day, despite how sort of awkward our next meeting was, I realized at that point and time that I fell in love with her._

_I, Irene, a girl who grew up with the ideal traditions of finding the perfect male suitor, fell in love with a girl._

_A beautiful,_

_adorable,_

_bright,_

_goofy,_

_endearing_

_girl._


	3. part two (final)

The next couple of meetings after the most recent study session were not as lively, to say the least.

During a lab experiment where pairs were required to work together, Seulgi had been awfully silent throughout most of the lab hour. There was not a peep of word about her strange art professor, or her current obsession in the television drama show she was watching, or even how she didn’t understand what the professor lectured about at all earlier today. Instead, she opted to read the lab manual and proceed on with the steps herself, ignoring whatever Joohyun was saying until she remembered that, _hey_ , she didn’t quite excel in Chemistry here (so it _might_ be better to let the more knowledgeable of the two to take the fort).

“Seulgi,” Joohyun started, striking up the Bunsen burner before adjusting it underneath the wire gauze. “Why aren’t you speaking with me?”

Seulgi was sitting on the stool with her hands on her lap, eyes fixed on the flickering flames as they waited for their beaker of water to heat up. Joohyun heaved a sigh at the sight and pulled a nearby stool next to her to sit down.

“Seulgi, you can’t keep ignoring me when I don’t even know what I did to make you like this,” Joohyun muttered softly.

Said girl finally looked at Joohyun for the first time that day. There was a sight that Joohyun was accustomed to when spending time with Seulgi, and it was usually accompanied by a smile—no matter how big or small it was—and a slight twinkle in her eyes to illustrate how lively and pure she still was. Though, Seulgi was looking at her with none of those combined, like Joohyun was some kind of stranger she was only dealing with on certain hours of the day, like Joohyun was someone she preferred to not be with at the moment.

Seulgi’s lips were parted as if she desired to spew something out, but she closed her mouth just as quick as she opened them and turned to fix her gaze on the Bunsen burner once again.

Joohyun increasingly grew impatient at this odd behavior of Seulgi’s and she sighed for the umpteenth time. “Seulgi…”

“I…”

Joohyun slightly jerked from her seat to divert all of her attention onto Seulgi when she thought that this was going nowhere.

“I just don’t want to talk right now, Joohyun. Sorry.”

“Oh,” Joohyun mumbled, but nodded her head anyway. “Okay, then. Um… will you still be coming over to my place tonight? To study?”

Seulgi shook her head. She stood up from her seat to drop in the assigned chemicals into the boiling water and proceeded to record her observation down onto her paper—all without warning and without looking at Joohyun for confirmation.

“No, I won’t.”

“We have a text next week, though, Seulgi.”

“I’ll try to manage on my own this time, Joohyun. I can’t always rely on you.”

As much as it seemed as if Seulgi was attempting to act more independent on her own part of her studies, Joohyun frowned to herself and felt as though she was not needed anymore—as if Seulgi used her all up to this point for her own benefit only to brush her aside in the end. Seulgi probably didn’t intend to mean it that way; there _was_ something bothering her at the moment and Joohyun would never know what was going on in her mind unless she said so. And it looked like Joohyun was never going to know at this point.

Seulgi continued on with the observation before turning off the gas pump for the Bunsen burner. She removed herself from the station to head to the front and retrieved more chemicals, leaving Joohyun to sigh on her own and rub her forehead. She sluggishly recorded what she just vaguely saw, but good thing she paid attention in lecture to know what this chemical did when it met an abnormal high temperature.

It had been a few weeks since that awkward ending of a study session at Joohyun’s apartment.

And it had been ever since then that Seulgi started acting this way.

**

_I didn’t know what to do that day. I didn’t even know what happened between us for her to act like this. I wanted to say that maybe it was a third party that was making her feel like this, that it wasn’t my words or my actions making her behave that way towards me, but I couldn’t be more wrong when I saw her act like nothing was wrong towards other people._

_I felt hurt when I saw her talk with our classmates like she didn’t give me the cold shoulder just moments earlier._

_If it was any other person, I would’ve ignored it._

_I wouldn’t have cared, to say the least, if someone else other than her all of a sudden acted cold towards me._

_But I cared a lot at that point._

_She was someone who quickly became close to me, someone who I cherished a lot in a short amount of time._

_I spent so much time with her while we were studying for our class—and at that moment, I was able to learn so much more about her._

_Like how she is such a mess when it comes to baking during our study break,_

_or how she is such a flawless, goofy dancer who touches her hair bun every now and then to make sure it doesn’t fall,_

_or how she always seems to fall asleep on my bed with textbooks and worksheets all over the place._

_She is such a troublesome person to the point where I wonder how in the world is it possible for me to fall in love with her._

_But I wouldn’t want it any other way._

**

“Seulgi, we need to talk.”

Joohyun pulled Seulgi aside after lecture ended, hoping she didn’t lose the latter in the sea of students filing out of the classroom. Seulgi was alarmed when she felt a hand on the crook of her arm, and at that point they both understood she couldn’t exactly ignore Joohyun anymore. So, Seulgi stiffly nodded, allowing Joohyun to lead her outside of the Chemistry building into one of the open amphitheaters on campus. They settled down onto the steps away from the other students having a smoke, and Joohyun turned to stare at Seulgi, who had her attention on the floor.

“How did you do on the test?”

Joohyun could have asked any other question, like why in the world was Seulgi still ignoring her, or why was Seulgi giving her the silent treatment, but she couldn’t help but be concerned about how she faired with their most recent test. After all, they were initially study buddies.

“I did okay.”

“Okay?”

Seulgi crossed her arms on top of her knees. “I got a B+.”

A B+ was not anything to worry about when one was just merely attempting to pass the class, but Joohyun figured that Seulgi wanted an A in the end. She reached around Seulgi and gently rubbed her arm in a way of comfort.

“It’s okay, Seulgi. You did slightly better this time around! We still have one more test left and then the final. You got an eighty-five on the midterm, didn’t you?”

Seulgi leaned her chin onto her crossed arms. “Yeah, but I’ve been getting such average scores. It’s easy for you to say—you probably aced this test, huh?”

“Well…”

Joohyun did, but she was not going to let this conversation turn onto her.

She changed the subject instead, wanting this to be all about them from the start—no chemistry, no grades, just them, and she suddenly demanded, “Seulgi, look at me.”

She asked one more time for Seulgi to finally comply, the latter merely turning her head just a bit so Joohyun was no longer in her peripheral vision but in her range of sight. Joohyun frowned when she noticed that Seulgi was still looking at her the same way she did during their lab the other day.

“Can you please talk to me?” she said, a voice barely above a whisper, yet audible enough for just the two of them to hear.

Seulgi remained unfazed and it still hurt Joohyun to receive a reaction like this. The third-year bit on her trembling lower lip, eyes casted down onto the floor so as to not allow the other girl to see her faltering expression. Joohyun might not be excellent at expressing her inner feelings and whatever was on her mind at the point, but she was so vulnerable—her raw emotions emerged at any situation and at any given time, so to receive the cold shoulder from Seulgi like this when she had no idea whatsoever what went wrong between them, when she did nothing but gaze at her with adoration and endearment, when she did nothing but sit by her side to help her with her studies, or even when she did nothing but feel a strong surge of warmth within her body made her feel so frustrated, confused, and all of the above—depressed.

“I-I’m honestly so… hurt when you ignore me l-like this….”

Even with the amount of force used to refrain this from happening, Joohyun’s voice still cracked. She glanced up at Seulgi, who swallowed a lump in her throat and straightened her body at the sight of a teary-eyed Joohyun. Seulgi shifted uncomfortably while scanning her surroundings before her gaze landed back onto Joohyun, an expression other than stoicism and coldness bearing for all to see.

“S-Sorry,” Seulgi finally blurted out. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean to. I-I didn’t know you were feeling like this.”

“Why were you ignoring me…?”

“I-I…”

Seulgi appeared troubled, her mouth opening and closing, trying to find the right words to say, but nothing came out for a few minutes. She huffed to herself and tugged onto her high ponytail for a bit, a gesture Joohyun figured out that coincided with nervousness or frustration (but mostly the latter of the two).

“I have a lot going on my mind these days…. I think it would be better if I had everything sorted out first before I let you in on it,” muttered Seulgi. “But I didn’t mean to ignore you o-or better yet, hurt you. I’m sorry, Joohyun.”

Joohyun breathed harshly through her mouth after recovering from a mini breakdown. She attempted to tug up a small smile upon her lips, but the corners of her mouth trembled with each muscle she pulled. She gave up trying to smile, figuring that she might have looked a bit odd then, and opted to reach out to Seulgi by brushing away a few strands of her bangs to the side. Seulgi stared at her for a bit before dropping her gaze elsewhere yet again, but Joohyun swore there might have been a tinge of redness coloring her cheeks.

“Thank you for letting me know, Seulgi,” Joohyun said softly, still brushing a few hair strands before tucking it behind Seulgi’s ear. “I’m here for you if you need anything, okay?”

Seulgi looked at Joohyun like a shy girl being doted on by her crush.

“Okay.”

**

_She never really told me why she was giving me the cold treatment, but it didn’t take a fool to guess why she was acting that way in the first place._

_She realized she was falling for me and it scared her._

_I couldn’t blame her for acting that way._

_Because I was—_ am _—her first relationship, and she probably thought that a relationship must be between a man and a woman, right? Love should be between a man and a woman, so the traditions say._

_But I’m glad she didn’t let it affect her too much._

_Things went back to normal, thankfully._

_And I just keep falling in love with her more and more each day._

**

It was a relaxing three-day weekend for Seulgi and Joohyun and instead of studying like they always do, Joohyun decided to click around on her laptop, editing the videos she recently took the past weekend on her latest trip to a beautiful hiking scenery. Seulgi, on the other hand, thought it was better for her to catch up on the latest lecture before jumping into another one once the weekend ended.

Joohyun puffed up her cheeks and tapped one side of it with the tip of her forefinger, earphones plugged into her ears and mind unaware of Seulgi shooting glances at her every now and then from her bed.

“Joohyun.”

Said girl continued to tap on her trackpad, deleting and moving videos on the editing program.

“Joohyun~”

She bit on her lower lip and paused the video before scrolling all the way back to the beginning of the five-minute video.

“Joohyun!”

Jolting from her seat, Joohyun ripped the earbuds from her ears and widened her eyes at Seulgi, who was giggling behind her hand.

“S-Sorry, were you calling me?”

Seulgi nodded with a pout. “Yeah, but you were too busy listening to music or something.”

Joohyun dropped the earbuds to the side of her laptop before rolling away from her desk, scooting closer to the edge of her bed.

“What did you need?”

“Nothing,” Seulgi said with a smile, and she lied down on Joohyun’s bed, head plopping down gracefully on her pillow. “I was just wondering what you were doing on your laptop.”

“Oh, um…”

Well, Joohyun couldn’t exactly divulge what she was working on without disclosing her alter ego of the outside world. She sheepishly smiled at Seulgi, who was staring at her curiously with a propped up hand supporting her head.

“Just working on some things,” she said vaguely, and it was not like she was lying either.

Seulgi didn’t seem to favor the response she received, seeing how she huffed through her nose and pouted a little bit, but she decided not to pressure Joohyun any further.

“Okay, then,” she mumbled, fingers working through the pages of the textbook next to her.

“Maybe I’ll show you later.”

Seulgi lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah, but not right now,” said Joohyun, and she grinned at her before rolling away back to her desk.

Seulgi whined after her and slumped back down onto the bed with her head laying on her arm. “Why can’t you just show me now~?”

“Because I’m not finished with it yet, silly. I’ll show you when it’s done.”

Seulgi didn’t seem to buy it. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because this may be one of the tactics you use so you may _never_ finish whatever it is that you’re working on, meaning that I will never be able to see it.”

Joohyun appeared puzzled, shooting Seulgi a look of disbelief. “Wow, if you encountered someone who had done that to you, then I’m sorry.”

What kind of person went to that extent to not show someone something instead of flat out refusing them?

“Yeah, it happened before…”

Joohyun grimaced and shrugged her shoulders. “Well, sucks, but I’m not one of those people. I’ll definitely show you later, okay?”

Seulgi grinned at her. “Okay.”

**

_Um…_

_I never actually showed her the video, ha ha!_

_But she didn’t ask for it again, so I’m assuming she forgot about it, too._

_It wasn’t that important, anyway. It was the video where I went hiking by myself a few months back._

_Well, actually, if it makes it up to her, she has been helping me out with a few of my videos—just behind the camera, that is._

_You guys never see anybody in my videos besides me, or hear anyone else in my videos besides me._

_So… to have someone accompany me on my adventures…_

_when I typically enjoy hanging out by myself…_

_means a lot to me, y’know?_

_Because at any point in time, at any given time of the day, I would rather enjoy the company of my lonesome than someone else’s._

_But hers._

_…_

_I’d rather be with her… now._

**

The semester came to a close faster than Joohyun could cite the periodic table (not that she would do so, anyway, because who in their right mind would cite the table for fun). School was on a break for a period of time, giving everyone a chance from dragging themselves in the pits of hell—that was _college_ —to recover from the number of units they _probably_ regret taking now.

Joohyun and Seulgi were lazing around in Seulgi’s dorm this time instead of the usual location of Joohyun’s apartment. Seulgi’s roommate had returned to her hometown for the meantime, stating something like she would be back a week before the beginning of the next semester—not that Seulgi cared anyway because that meant she would have the dorm to herself now. She was just ecstatic with the fact that she did not have to deal with anything chemistry-related for the rest of her life.

Seulgi was sprawled on her front on her bed with her elbows propped up holding her tablet, and Joohyun was lying next to her with her head on her shoulder, not really paying attention to whatever Seulgi was watching, but her eyes were on the screen.

She heard Seulgi laugh from time to time, her body shaking every time she did, causing her head to shake along with her, too. She blinked and tried to focus on the screen again and noticed that Seulgi was, yet again, watching some pointless seven second video compilation someone posted online on Facebook.

“Is this what you do on your free time?” she asked her, completely baffled at how Seulgi could easily amuse herself with these videos from Vine.

“Sometimes,” Seulgi answered without glancing back. “I mean, I do watch some TV shows, too.”

Joohyun raised an eyebrow and gradually rose from the bed. She scanned the backside of Seulgi’s and noticed how lean and toned she remained to be despite being at her dorm or at Joohyun’s apartment for most of her time.

“Do you not work out?” she asked mindlessly and placed a hand on Seulgi’s lower back. She dragged her hand across her back to the spot between her shoulder blades and back down to her lower back to run over the curves of her posterior. “How are you still so skinny when all you do is eat and watch TV?”

Seulgi jolted from Joohyun’s daring touch and she quickly turned around on her side to face Joohyun. “Hey, stop it!”

Joohyun looked up to see Seulgi pouting, and she laughed at her. Instead of complying with the latter’s wishes, she instead dipped her hand back down onto her body and touched her abdomen. She wasn’t able to feign her surprise when she felt muscles underneath the sweater Seulgi was wearing.

“What the hell—you have abs, too?!”

Seulgi gasped and whacked away Joohyun’s hand with a whine of the older girl’s name. She scrambled up into a sitting position and crawled away to the wall adjacent to her bed, her back leaning against it with her eyes glowering at Joohyun.

“So what if I do?” she said under her breath. “Why are you still here anyway? You have an apartment all to yourself rather than this small hole in the wall here.”

Joohyun giggled before settling down in front of Seulgi. “I was just teasing you,” she cooed. “And I wanted to spend time with you, too. You never really invite me to your dorm, y’know.”

“That’s because my roommate’s always here studying. I don’t want to disturb her.”

“And she’s not here right now,” said Joohyun. “Do you want me to leave, is that what you want?”

“No!” Seulgi was quick to shout out. She might have figured out how hasty her response was, for she cowered down into a ball. “I-I mean, I don’t mind you staying… It’s just that there’s nothing really to do here.”

Joohyun shuffled around on Seulgi’s single bed and lied down onto her back, her head plopping down onto the yellow-covered pillow. She patted on the spot next to her, signaling for the first year to lie next to her, which she did, and she smiled to herself before turning back to stare at the ceiling.

“Let’s just lie down next to each other and talk— _or_ not talk. We can sleep.”

She felt Seulgi shifting around before eventually finding a comfortable spot on her side. Her hands were underneath her head as support and her eyes were in the direction of Joohyun’s being, but the latter was not really paying attention to whether or not Seulgi was looking at her or closing her eyes. Joohyun turned her head and noticed that she was using up all of Seulgi’s pillow, so she moved a slight bit.

“Put your head on the pillow,” she said softly.

Seulgi opened her eyes and immediately complied, hands shifting her hair to her back before closing her eyes again, face still facing Joohyun.

Joohyun didn’t mind the idea of sharing the pillow with Seulgi when it first popped up in her head, but she was gradually starting to regret it now when she realized how close the latter was, giving her a chance to study her facial features with mere inches between them. She stuck with it, though, because she _did_ ask Seulgi to move.

“Seulgi…” she called out the girl softly. She moved around carefully next to her so she was also laying on her side, her range of sight now focused on the first year herself. Seulgi hummed as a response, eyes still closed. “Do you want to go somewhere this weekend with me?”

“…Where…?”

Joohyun took her time to respond when she witnessed how lazy but cute Seulgi mumbled her reply. “Anywhere.”

Seulgi hummed. “…Paris.”

Joohyun raised an eyebrow and she snorted out a laughter. “Anywhere as in around here, you dork.”

The corners of Seulgi’s lips broke out into a smile and she shared a giggle with Joohyun before calming down into a small smile—doing this all with her eyes closed. Joohyun was glad that she did because then she wouldn’t be able to notice how heavy her gaze was on this adorable, innocent girl she was lying next to.

“You said anywhere,” said Seulgi, a grin gracing her lips. “Let’s go to the beach.”

“The beach?”

Seulgi nodded once and hummed again.

“Okay.”

Seulgi’s breathing was gradually returning to a normal, calming pace when words were no longer being exchanged between the two. As a soft sigh relieved from between Joohyun’s lips, hooded eyes lazily traced the features of Seulgi’s serene face. Joohyun had been staring at Seulgi for as long as she could remember, but she didn’t think she would receive the chance to gaze at her up close, to see how fair and soft her skin was, to see how her body heaved up and down rhythmically with her breathing. Her fairly pink lips were slightly parted for Joohyun to hear her soft breathing, and at that point and time she never wanted to press her lips against her more.

But she refrained herself from doing so and opted to close her eyes instead, enjoying this moment of sleeping next to Seulgi.

**

Joohyun and Seulgi were ones of the few habitants of the beach since it was nearing winter. They were seated on the edge of the pier, arms dangling over the bars and legs swinging back and forth across the breeze of the sea. Right below them was the beach—soft, sparkling sand and crystal, clear water. Night was soon to be hanging over their heads when they arrived around sunset, colors of a beautiful red-orange and purple hue decorating the sky, painting their faces with a pleasing glow.

They had no intentions of actually dipping into the sea, so Joohyun was more than glad when Seulgi offered to walk around on the pier to gaze at little carts of shops and evidently the crashing waves of the sea itself until they tired themselves out. While enjoying the breeze of the sea brushing against her cheeks, Joohyun turned with a smile to gaze at Seulgi, who was peering off into the sunset, arms crossed on top of the bars in front of them to prevent them from falling over.

“Seulgi,” she called softly.

Seulgi turned with a raised brow. She smiled. “Yeah?”

They stared at each other for a moment more before Joohyun’s grin widened.

“Nothing.”

“What? You weirdo.”

“I just wanted to say your name.”

“As if you haven’t said it enough already in your life.”

Joohyun shook her head. “Nope, and I’m going to say your name a million times more.”

Seulgi laughed. “Okay, Joohyun, as if you will ever receive the chance to.”

“Seulgi, Seulgi, Seulgi, Seulgi, Seulgi—“

Seulgi covered Joohyun’s mouth with her hand and they both laughed. “Okay, I get it!”

“Thanks for hanging out with me today.”

“Yeah, of course. When do we not hang out now?”

“I mean, thanks for hanging out with me today in particular.”

Seulgi appeared puzzled. “Is… is today a special occasion? It’s not your birthday… or mine… or—“

Joohyun giggled and knocked her shoulder with Seulgi’s. “No, today is no special occasion… At least not yet.”

“Not… yet…?”

“Seulgi,” Joohyun called out for the nth time of her life. She closed her eyes momentarily, face lifted against the air, hair brushed back from the breeze. She didn’t understand the reason for feeling so at bliss—maybe it was because of how calming the sea was, or maybe it was because she was with Seulgi, or maybe the combination of both. She just hoped that after today, after what she was going to spew out from her mouth, the bliss would still be apparent.

And so, she opened her eyes again, face turning towards Seulgi, eyes fixed on hers. Seulgi had a beautiful glow of sunset painted across one side of her face, making her appear more attractive than ever.

And Joohyun thought that she had never been more in love today.

“I have something to tell you.”

**

_I told her I love her… for the first time of the many “I love you’s” between us.  
I told her how she gives me these indescribable feelings whenever she smiles at me, whenever she looks at me, whenever she acts a certain way towards me._

_I told her that the way she looks every day, whether she thinks she looks like shit or not, is enough to make me gaze at her._

_I told her that in every single passing second, minute, hour of the day, I fall in love with her more and more._

_And she didn’t have to do anything._

_She didn’t have to pretend._

_She didn’t have to impress._

_All she had to do was be_ herself _._

_All she had to do was smile that adorable smile of hers, laugh that dorky laugh of hers, or even look at me with those charming eyes of hers._

_Because all of that was enough for me._

More _than enough for me._

**

“And… well… there you have it. The story of how I fell in love with the most beautiful person in my life.”

Joohyun looked away from her laptop screen and bit on her forefinger, not realizing that she had no idea what she was expecting the responses from her viewers might be.

But at this point and time, she couldn’t care less.

This YouTube gig she was doing—it started off as a mere hobby.

So what if she got bashed?

No problem.

So what if her views and likes were suddenly going to plummet?

No problem.

She didn’t start making videos for a purpose of fame, fortune, or wealth. She wanted her family, friends, and friends of friends to see how she was doing, to see her well-being, to see that she was having the time of her life outside of school.

But if they couldn’t take in the fact that she was dating a girl, then it was not her problem.

Joohyun heaved a sigh and gradually turned back to her laptop screen, glancing at how quickly the messages were flooding in on the comment section.

_Omg, Irene that’s such a beautiful story!_

_#relationshipgoals_

_I really want a relationship like yours… it sounds too cute and adorable._

_Such pure, great love…_

Amongst all these messages, Joohyun didn’t expect to receive that much support from the majority. But don’t get her wrong. She did have her fair share of homophobic messages filled with disgust. They were all behind the screen, though, so she was not going to take time out of her precious day to start an argument against someone who would most likely not be able to change or even come into terms with their views.

She smiled instead and looked into the camera.

“Thank you guys for all of your support. You have no idea how hard it was for me to say this out loud, but I figured you guys deserve to know about this. And… I really do love her… so much to the point where I had the courage to confess to the whole internet about my undying love for her.”

_Wait, Irene, does she know about this?_

_Is she watching you do this?_

Joohyun shrugged her shoulders. “I may have mentioned it to her, but I don’t know if she’s actually watching—“

“ _Joohyun_!”

Said girl jolted from her seat at the loud impact against her front door, fists pounding against the wood a couple of times accompanied by shouts of her name.

“Um… give me a second,” she said to her viewers before quickly scrambling out of her room and into the living room.

She propped herself against her front door and peered into the peep hole, a loud laughter escaping from her mouth when she saw Seulgi peering into the peep hole from the other side of the door.

“Seulgi,” she started the moment she opens her door, but was caught off guard by the sudden tight embrace around her tiny body. “S-Seulgi!”

“I-I watched it,” Seulgi breathed out into her hair. “I-I… my, my friends were watching you and I-I thought, ‘oh, my God she looks so much like Joohyun,’ a-and when I realize that the story you’ve been telling sounds so much l-like us, o-or when you mentioned a few times a-about making some sort of live video, I—“

“Seulgi, Seulgi,” Joohyun interrupted. She backed away slightly from said girl and gently cupped her face. “Breathe.”

Seulgi took a quick, deep breath before she continued rambling, “W-We’ve been together for a while now, but I didn’t know how… strong… your feelings are for me.”

Joohyun grinned and locked her arms around Seulgi’s neck. She gazed up into the younger girl’s eyes, swaying their bodies lightly from side to side.

“I know I don’t really express myself well—the only time being the day where I was hurt when you were ignoring me—but I’ve been working on it. I’ve been trying to express myself more and I thought that this would help me,” said Joohyun.

Seulgi gently pressed their foreheads together; eyes locked with each other, hands wrapped around each other in a firm embrace. She struggled to put a smile on her face with the way her lips were trembling, warm tears welling up in her eyes before small streams streaked down her cheeks.

“I…” she started, a hand shooting up to the side of Joohyun’s face to brush a few hair strands back. She tucked them behind her ear before letting her hand fall down onto her shoulder.

“I love you.”

Joohyun broke out into a tearful smile of her own. She gazed into Seulgi’s eyes once more, thumbs brushing across her cheeks to wipe away her tears, and leaned in gradually towards the other girl. Lips were pressed gently, hands were firm around waists and necks, eyes were closed, tears were streaming. Joohyun smiled into the kiss, slightly giggling at the fact that it might be so pathetic for them to be kissing each other in tears.

But, actually, there wasn’t anything pathetic about it.

If anything, it made their love stronger and tighter, more passionate, more bonded, more tear-jerking.

Joohyun pressed deeper into the kiss to mold their mouths together perfectly, lips alternating between Seulgi’s upper and lower lip.

“I love you, too,” she said breathlessly, eyes opening momentarily to look at Seulgi’s closed ones. She smiled to herself, stroking the soft head of hair of the younger girl’s, and drew back into Seulgi once again to press their lips together.

_She’s the most beautiful girl in my life._

_She’s the reason why my life has been nothing but colors and smiles and laughter._

_She’s the page, the chapter, the whole story._

_She’s everything._


End file.
